Feeling Triggered? How the 'Sacred Pause' Can Calm Your Nervous System

by Valerie Dorn

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Viktor E. Frankl

There are countless tools for regulating emotions, communicating effectively, and decreasing stress, but the most important one is the pause. In order to change anything, you first need to be aware of what is happening in the moment, which requires introspective awareness.

For example, let’s say your boss starts yelling at you. Most people find that unpleasant, but how do you actually know it is unpleasant? Perhaps you notice your jaw clench, your hands tighten into fists, or your body feel warm. Or maybe your body freezes, your mind goes blank, and you stop comprehending the words being said to you.

Why Your Brain Reacts Automatically

In addition to what is happening in your body, you might notice a stream of thoughts running through your mind. You might think your boss is being unfair, or you might feel a wave of fear that you are going to get fired.

Our nervous systems are hardwired to scan for threats to keep us safe. What you notice in your body and mind is based on years of past experience. Your brain and nervous system instantly compare the current situation to past experiences and assess the threat level. If a potential threat is detected, your system prepares a survival response: fight, flight, or freeze.

Intellectually, you might know your boss is prone to overreacting and yells at everyone without real danger to your safety. But your well-trained nervous system does not know that in the moment. It reacts as if the threat is immediate, even when you logically know you are safe.

Step Into the Sacred Pause

This is where the sacred pause comes in. If you can notice as soon as possible that you feel triggered, pause before reacting. Notice what you are feeling in your body, the thoughts passing through your mind, and your instinctual impulse.

You can say to yourself, “feeling triggered,” “overwhelm happening,” or “anxiety arising.” Name your experience without using “I” (for example, “anxiety happening” instead of “I am anxious”). This simple shift creates space between you and your experience, which helps keep the logical, thinking parts of your brain online.

How to Use the Pause in Real Time

The pause could last a second, a minute, or longer: whatever time you need to decide what to do next.

If you find yourself feeling highly activated or completely shut down, you may need to step away from the interaction entirely and return later. If your reaction is milder, you can layer in another tool, like taking a few deep breaths, lengthening your exhale, or trying box breathing until your nervous system settles. Then, you can re-engage from a calmer place.

The Foundation for Real Change

The skill of pausing is like a master key. It is the single tool that unlocks the rest of your nervous system toolkit, giving you access to the right strategy when you need it most. Without that pause, you react on autopilot based on old conditioning, which often makes things worse through defensiveness, raising your voice, or reacting in ways you later regret.

The good news is that the more you practice pausing, the more natural and automatic it becomes. The next time you feel threatened or overwhelmed, try pausing first and see what shifts.

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Learning to pause when you feel triggered takes practice, and you don’t have to figure it out alone. If you’re tired of feeling overwhelmed by automatic reactions and want to learn how to feel grounded in your nervous system, I’m here to help. Click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation to talk about how we can work together.