How to Calm Your Nervous System: 4 Breathing Techniques

by Valerie Dorn

Our nervous system evolved over millennia with one primary goal: keeping us alive. For most of human history, we lived in small hunter-gatherer bands where life-threatening situations were a daily reality. Today, while many of us are fortunate enough to live in relative safety, our nervous systems still react to modern stressors as if they were mortal threats. This is due to the brain’s "negativity bias"—an evolutionary trait that prioritizes paying attention to potential danger over positive experiences. As a result, countering our brain's negativity bias requires consistent, concerted effort.

While we may no longer worry about being hunted by predators, our nervous systems never stop scanning the environment for danger. In our modern world, "threats" often look like a boss’s criticism, a toddler’s grocery store meltdown, or a distressing news cycle. Because our bodies frequently respond to these daily stressors with the same intensity as a life-threatening event, it can start to take a real physical toll on us.

The good news is that we can gently guide our bodies back to a state of safety. Here are some simple breathing tools you can use to calm your nervous system whenever you feel activated. These work best if you practice them daily—even when you aren't feeling stressed. Building that habit now will help you maintain your equilibrium and make it much easier to remember to use these techniques when you really need them.

#1: Diaphragmatic Breathing

Because of chronic stress, many of us do not fully expand and contract our lungs, which limits our oxygen intake and keeps our nervous system on high alert. To see how you are breathing, place one hand on your chest (just below your collarbone) and the other hand over your belly button.

Take a deep breath in and notice which hand moves more. If your belly hand stays still or does not move much, try focusing your attention on expanding your belly with every inhale. It might feel a little uncomfortable at first, but with practice, engaging your diaphragm will help signal to your body that it is time to calm down.

#2: Deepen Your Breath

When we are stressed, our breath becomes short and shallow. To counter this, begin by breathing in through your nose and exhaling through your mouth with pursed lips—just like you’re blowing out candles on a cake. Match the length of your inhales and exhales. For example, inhale to a count of five and exhale to a count of five.

#3: Lengthen Your Exhales

This is a gentle way to "hack" your relaxation response. Inhale to a count of four, then exhale to a count of six (or whatever ratio feels comfortable, as long as the exhale is longer). By lengthening your exhales, you are signaling to your nervous system that it is okay to relax. You might even feel that your shoulders soften and drop on the exhales as tension is released from your body.

#4: Box Breathing

This technique is similar to deepening your breath, but it adds a pause after each step. Inhale for four, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four, and repeat. Since this exercise requires more concentration than the other three, it is a great tool for when your mind is stuck on repeat, rehashing the past or worrying about the future.

A Few Gentle Reminders

The most important thing is that these exercises should not feel forced. If holding your breath during box breathing makes you feel more anxious, simply shorten the count (to three or two) or switch to a different breathing exercise.

You can enhance the experience by:

• Closing your eyes to tune out the world.

• Placing your hands on your belly to feel the physical rise and fall of your breath.

• Resting your hands over your heart or somewhere soothing on your body as a physical signal to your nervous system that you are safe and it is okay to relax.

Making It a Habit

It’s perfectly okay if some of these breathing techniques don’t resonate with you—just pick the one that works for you and incorporate it into your day. Try "habit stacking" by pairing the breathing exercise with something you already do, like waiting for coffee to brew or washing the dishes.

Start with practicing the breathing exercise for just 30 seconds and gradually work your way up to a couple of minutes or more. By practicing every day when you're already calm, the breathing technique will become second nature. That way, when you find yourself feeling stressed, it will be easy to remember to use one of the calming breathing techniques.

---

Interested in learning more tools to calm your nervous system? Contact me today to schedule a free 15-minute consultation.