Why Fighting Your Anxiety Makes It Worse (And What to Do Instead)

by Valerie Dorn

No one likes to feel anxious. It makes sense that you would want to do everything you can to stop feeling anxiety. Unfortunately, it is simply not possible to get rid of anxiety entirely.

The good news? You can learn how to better manage your anxiety so that it no longer runs your life.

The Finger-Trap Metaphor

The first step is to stop fighting it. A great metaphor for anxiety, and any negative emotion, is a finger trap. The more you fight against anxiety, trying to make it go away, the stronger it gets, just like trying to pull your fingers out of a finger trap.

Instead, pause and take a deep breath. Acknowledge the anxiety, and remind yourself that it is okay to feel this way. Instead of trying to force anxiety to stop, turn towards it with an attitude of curiosity.

Try asking it questions like:

• “Why are you showing up right now?”

• “What are you trying to tell me?”

• “What are you worried will happen if I don’t pay attention to you?”

Your Anxiety is a Protector, Not an Enemy

We are biologically wired to feel anxious. It is your nervous system’s job to warn you of potential danger and prompt you to take action. Because negative emotions alert us to threats, they usually won’t subside until we acknowledge the message.

So, instead of seeing your anxiety as a problem to fix, think of it as a wise guard standing watch, trying to protect you.

By turning toward your anxious part with curiosity and engaging in a dialogue with it, you start to create space between yourself and your anxiety. Having that separation helps turn down the volume of the anxiety, giving you the opportunity to work with it, instead of against it.

How to Reassure Your Anxious Part

When you start questioning your anxious part, you might uncover specific fears. For example, you might find out it’s terrified you will embarrass yourself during a work meeting and your coworkers will laugh at you.

Once you identify what your anxious part is actually afraid of, you can offer it genuine reassurance.

Remind it of the facts:

• Past successes: Remind it of the times you spoke up at work and your coworkers responded well.

• Unrealized fears: Remind it of all the situations where what you feared never actually happened.

• Your resilience: Remind it of the times your fears did come true, and you still got through it.

  
  

Although you cannot eliminate anxiety, you can learn to work with it, and maybe even become friends with it. It is entirely possible to transform anxiety from an enemy into a wise, trusted advisor. It may not happen overnight, but with practice, you can learn to embrace your anxiety when it shows up, knowing it simply has something of value to share.

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If you would like to learn more about how to befriend your anxiety, contact me today to schedule a free 15-minute consultation.